8 is as Great as a Plate of Chocolate Cake!

*Trips into frame, dripping with sweat, panting* Sorry I'm late! Things kind of got crazy this week, and in the crossfire, my email time got snipped. However, thanks to a generous Mission President, I've been granted time to speak now! Huzzah!

I will be totally honest when I say that this has been perhaps the strangest week of my mission thus far (as well as the most difficult). But all things have their purpose, and I am filled with the faith that these things shall indeed "be for my good".

Well! We've done a bucketload of walking, insomuch that my legs are indeed quite sore (I plan to be a calf model when I return home). In one of these daily jaunts, we passed by a stand heavy laden with fruit. Next to such were seated two girls, both of which I'd estimate to be about 13 or so (it's impossible to tell how old Dominicans are; I'm convinced that the Fountain of Youth really is on this island after all). Curse my gorgeous face, for as we passed, one of the girls grabbed onto my wrist, with a firmness of grasp that surpassed that of most mortals. Now, keep in mind that I'm still a bit of a Greenbean, and more often than not have no idea what people are saying to me. She said something, and honestly, in my noviceness to the missionary work, I honestly thought she wanted to know more about the Restored Gospel of Jesus Christ (I'M SUCH A GREENIE!). In all of this gringo confusion, Elder Thibault continued walking, as the event had yet to catch his notice. I'll admit, panic rose like bile to the surface, and with a bit of a shaky voice, I shouted, "ELDER! ELDER! ELDER THIBAULT!!"

He turned, and with a bit of a knowing smile, came to my rescue. They had a bit of a conversation (which I didn't understand any of in the moment [I later asked Elder Thibault what went down]) which went more or less as follows:

(Him) "Alright, let him go."
(Her) "No! I'm in love with him!"
"Great, but just because you're in love with him doesn't mean you have to keep ahold of him!"
"No! I'm going to steal him from you!"
"No, you CANNOT steal my companion!"
"I'm in love with him!"
"Let him go!"
And she eventually did.

Also, that same day, when we were contacting, a random guy ran by, screaming "BLEEEEEAAAAAAAUUUUUUGGHHHHHHH!!!"

Speaking of crazy drunk people, while we were out walking another day, we walked past a bar, which was pumping rather loud (Dominican loud, mind you, which is about five times louder than American loud) music. Immediately, this guy with totally bloodshot eyes stands up, walks over, and says something. He repeated his words several times, but due to the volume of the music (and the fact that he was basically whispering), it was impossible to discern what he was trying to say. He then went to shake our hands, but instead of a normal "palm-to-palm up-and-down release-hands" type of deal, as soon as our hands make contact, he rolls his hand away, does a bunch of weird finger wiggles, then waves three fingers in our faces (and for me, he added a delightful stomach poke). As we went to leave, he tried to pull us into a big hug. ...It twas at this point that Elder Thibault put the hammer down and forced the guy off of us. So, he goes to shake our hands farewell...and...more finger-wiggle three-finger-shake-shake-in-our-faces. Wack.

Then another day, we were walking to one of our appointments, when we saw a guy sitting on the ground, leaning up against a fence with his eyes closed, twitching. Before we even have time to process what we're seeing, this old lady with an umbrella just as plain as day walks calmly across the road, raises a hand over him, and starts trying to "cast the devil out of him". ...After about five minutes, we suddenly realized: WHO DOES THAT?! (We saw him about 45 minutes later by the way, and he was just then getting up from where he sat. He later proceeded to hobble away with a bit of oddity in his step. ...Something tells me there was less of a devil and more of a disability flowing here. Just a thought. :D )

And RAIN! So much rain...the streets became rivers, and the staircases became waterfalls. SO BEAUTIFUL!!! As we were helping some people move pipe that had fallen into the road and was messing up traffic, I stepped on a patch of what I thought was normal ground and collapsed in the street. Yeah, the gutters were so full to overflowing, that they were indistinguishable from the rest of the road! :D

And finally, I was hit with a bit of a sickness. It's nothing bad, but makes work a tad more challenging! Haha! Brilliant! I was tired of it being easy! ;D

The Spirit has helped me grow so much this week. And, I've got great stories to tell! Woo!

Joke of The Week: Why couldn't the bicycle stand up on its own? It was too tired. ...WOO! Lame jokes!

Paz, Amor, Unidad, y Tranquilidad!
-Elder Jones

8 1/2 weeks!! Wow!

Hola! All is well! I got kind of caught up in stuff this week, hence explaining my lateness/lack of a weekly email! (I'm really squished for time!) I'll see if I can write more tomorrow (no promises) but I just wanted to make sure you didn't freak out at my lack of a reply!

-Elder Mic-Cray-Cray

The Most Magical Number of All! (7, For Those of You Not Paying Attention)

Jiggly-Jumbo-Jello, it's time to say HELLO!

The weeks have indeed begun to increase in their speed. A wise man once said: "The MTC is the longest part of the mission, the first six weeks in the field are the hardest part, but after that, it all just sort of blurs by." (That may or may not have been me just catolouging what others have said. Heh heh.)

One of our main focuses these past few days has been that of service. In serveral of our meetings, we've offered to help them with literally anything (within ethical reason), but so far...nothing. WE SHALL PRESS ON, however! Huzzah!

While out and about, we encountered a woman who actually spoke English! And, even cooler, she wanted us to TEACH her IN ENGLISH! The lesson was indeed an immensly powerful, and the Spirit was definetly present. Elder Thibault ironically struggled a bit, as he's taught so much in Spanish, he's not at all accustomed to doing so in English! :D

In other news, another investigator of ours, by the name of Victoria, came to General Conference for one of the sessions! I had to do everthing in my power not to scream for joy. (If any of you have seen "The Best Two Years", I'm essentially Elder Calhoun.)

I want to personally testify that it is through our challenges that The Lord shapes us into someone immensely more amazing and powerful. I've seen this in 7 1/2 weeks in the field; IMAGINE what 2 years will do!

I'm squeezed for time (the computer I'm using is really really slow), and I can't seem to find any other stories off the top of my head, so I suppose I'll bid a fond farewell for now!

Peace out, mis amigos! (Including my MTC friends who are seeing this! I'll try to have a joke of the week sent out for you next week!)
Van con Dios!

-Elder Jones

Change! (But not the kind you keep in a piggybank!)

I know, you've all been having trouble sleeping these past several days because the weekly letter of MK was not delivered on time. It's okay, I cried a little too. (JUST ONE TEAR. AND THEN IT SPLIT INTO TWO PIECES, FELL TO THE EARTH, AND BROUGHT FORTH A BEUATIFUL GARDEN OF SOUR GUMMI WORMS AND CHOW MEIN. TRUE STORY.)

Just a note, all future MK emails shall be reponded to/sent out on Mondays. Your least favorite day is now your favorite day. ;P

Okay! Wow, there's a lot to talk about, and not a lot of time! Wooh...where do I start...*rolls shoulders*

I'm now in my first area, which is known by most as Villa Altagracia (and known by the rest as Disneyland, but no one listens to them). I'll be forthright, the work is challenging. Quite truly, serving a mission is literally the most challenging thing I've ever done in my life. But, as with every trial, there come blessings. I've never slept so well in my life! And I've gained a magnificently deeper relationship with the Lord. I can testify with ever fiber of my being that if we turn to Him in our lowest points, He can and will give us the strength to endure the refiner's fire.

But you're here for storytime! Well, let's see...

I've begun a war that will only end in death. While I am strong, I am greatly outnumbered. Only at my peak will I be able to annhiliate my foes. Yes, I speak of the ants. Our apartment has several (million) ants that enjoy frolicking in our kitchen. Howevewer, I have taken drastic measures to ensure that their civilization ends in ruin. (I put down piles of Corn Meal, which apparently causes their stomachs to explode.) MUHAHAHAHA *cough cough*...

Also, there was a Baptism in our area! A woman by the name of Cinthia had been taught by the missionaries before me for a time, and her baptismal date was set up for just after I arrived. (I'm so awesome at being a missionary, people get baptized without my having to teach them! [Totally kidding. I wish it was easier to detect sarcasm in plain written words.])

Woah! Okay, I am basically out of time. Let's see...funny short notes...

We were out contacting, and went toi start talking to this guy, but he was...umm...*blushes*...urinating when we sent forth our salutations, which was prior unknown to us.
I sampled a Domican "burger", of a sort, known as a "Chimi". (Not to be confused with a "Chimicanga".)

Sleeping under mosquito nets is a new experience, but I've adjusted quickly to it.

I've been making comics! I'll try to send some home when I can.

The past several weeks alone have changed me so much. It's amazing to see what the Lord can do with our lives when we place ourselves in His service! When I get back though, it's going to be weird readjusting...

That's all I can squeeze for now (not referring to hugs, although I do miss those)!

Peace, Love, Unity, Serenity!
Stay well-hydrated, my friends!

-Elder Jones

********
MAILING ADDRESS (will be updated to the right of the blog, under his handsome mug, as often as possible)

Brought forth by popular demand, here it is! The beautiful MKzing Dominican Republic Mailing address! Send all of your papery whatchamajigs here!

Elder McKay Jones
Misión Santo Domingo Oeste
C/ Hatuey #73
URB. Los Cacicazgos, Santo Domingo
Republica Dominicana

The Fifth Week (fifth is such a weird word)!

Sunshine and leprechauns; Elder Jones is back with a snack pack attack!

And thus my fifth (blauh, such a weird word!) week at Hogwarts draws to a close. It's been pretty normal down here; we've really just been more focused on the "mastering" (we're all such gringos) of this beautiful language.

HOWEVER! Before you go closing the page and skip off to enjoy some delicious lime skittles (which I was recently informed no longer exist in this reality [thank you for the notification Haley], so...hmm...), I do INDEED have stories to ramble to thou about!

Approximately six Earth Rolls ago (also known as last Friday), we performed which was known by the tongues of our forefathers as "Splits" (we newbies were paired up with an experienced missionary for the cause of gaining experience in the field). My temporary companion was an Elder with the last name Martin (who almost ironically is planning on going to Utah State as well). To get to his area, we took a "Concho", the Dominican word for a cute little cab in which about four people are stuffed in the backseat, and around two (not including the driver) are popped in the front. The traffic here is akin to the mind of Leonardo Da Vinci: it's absolute madness and insanity, but there's a strange sense of order to it. (I've never before seen a two lane road occupied by four cars side-by-side.) So we bounced off, to a quaint little area called...umm..Ariea. I can't quite recall the name, but it sounded a lot like "Area". Huh. Anyway, so we marched off, so as to fulfill an appointment set the day before, with a member of the church who's floating a bit at the "inactive". While he spoke extremely fast (I understood about 15% of the conversation), his personality was so entertaining and friendly, I found myself laughing even when I'd no idea what had just been said (actually, that's normal for me ;D ).

After the meeting, we slipped down some alleys/side-roads between the buildings to get the the residential areas (think of it like the individual neighborhoods inside a city, except the streets for such are sidewalks that cut past buildings), so as to get to our next appointment. We shared a bit about the Restoration of the fullness of Christ's Church, then left with a prayer. To wrap up the planned part of our schedule, we traversed over to our last appointment, with a woman who my companion had contacted the day before. Unfortunately, she wasn't home, but her husband displayed some interest. SUPER COOL NOTE! While we were praying before the actual lesson, this totally random guy came up and started listening. After we closed with an "Amen", the man asked if he could enter this other guy's house to listen to our message. I talked to Elder Martin about it later, and he said such is not at all uncommon here, as the people are quite a bit more welcoming than we are state-side. TIGHT! (Like a Concho!)

To wrap up our evening of missionary-ing, we returned to the bread and butter (actually, at one point, we literally did have bread and butter; delicious!) of trackting, or, in the words of the ancient times, talking to flipping everybody to see who holds interest! And, much like the University, everybody was really polite about it, even those who weren't at all interested!

As the chapter of the day began to close, we ran into a guy who was from the U.S. (and almost ironically, literally from New York). We didn't really talk much about the gospel (he kept saying that we should apply for ATT while we were down here, as our pasty lack of melanin would somehow grant us a higher chance of being hired [we subsequently explained to him that, in a sense, Missionary work is our full-time job for the next two years {well, without the getting paid part, but still}]), but he did express interest in chatting with us another time. So coolness there!

Afterward in the Epilouge, we popped back in a Concho, and zipped back over to the MTC.
After a bit of a daily wrap up, I crawled back to my room, and passed out.

It's been a sweet but serene week! I was hit in the eye with a paper airplane, and subsequently invented a paper airplane that causes the user to increase in irritation! (No matter how hard you throw it, it flips around after about two feet and smashes into you! Or the ground in front of you!)

And...that's all I got. My simmering pot of story sauce has run dry!

Peace, Love, Unity, Serenity!

-Elder Jones

(And I expect someone to re-invent lime Skittles by the time I get back!)

Este es la semana de cuatro. *DUN DUN DUNNNNN!!!*

*Lightning rains down from the sky, transforming a beautiful patch of roses into a flaming column of glorious glory. From the flames steps a gleaming white figure, his tie twisting like a feathered serpent in the wind. He smiles, and the sun glints off his teeth, then subsequently his name-tag, emblazoned with the title "Elder Jones".*

Hello! It is I! And I'm back with more theatrics than ever before!! Muhahahahaha!

This has been a rather jelly-filled doughnut of a week! So squished have been the events therein, and so sweet has been the time that has held it all together! Let's see...notes, notes, thoughts and things... 

On Friday, it was our intent to pop over to la universidad to speak with the students regarding our message of Christ. ...Note how I said it was our INTENT to. Unfortunately, they'd a bit of a strike over yonder, so the area wasn't exactly hospitable for Momos. Or for anyone, actually. But all is well, for we simply altered the forces of time and changed the university trip to WEDNESDAY!!!

On Tuesday, all of the properly seasoned MTC veterans traversed away to their own areas, peppered and salted to the brim with all of the words and teachings that you can squeeze inside six weeks of language training. (Or perhaps a bit more. MTC TIME TARDIS!!!) It's felt odd and empty without them. Sort of like when you're a senior in high school; all of the upperclassmen before you are suddenly gone, and you realize that it's your turn. Fascinating, really.

Hmm...what else...my companion, Elder Harsh, has acquired what the ancients of old (that's redundant) labeled as "Strep Throat". We gave him a blessing, and he's been doing a bucketload better. Miracles of The Lord!

Also in the regards of aforementioned mentionings, we skipped over to the university yesterday, so as to fulfill that which has been unfulfilled. Because of my companion's less than enjoyable condition, he stayed back with another Elder who's been feeling under the weather likewise. So, to satisfy the demands of justice, the sick Elder's companion, Elder Bell, and I were united in a new Fellowship. The university was glorious (and hot), and basically everyone we talked to (with the exception of a few) seemed legitimately interested in our message, so much that they gave us their information so that "real" missionaries could teach them more. Exciting! (And even the ones that weren't interested were still extremely polite about such. Caribbean Canada!)

Anything else...ooh! Don't tell anyone, but tonight, Santa and Rudolph are going to introduce themselves to the new missionaries. It's Christmas (Preparation Day, the missionary's equivalent of such), so why not? :D

The Lord has given me many experiences these past few weeks, and through struggles He has and continues to refine me into a greater person than I've ever been before. At times it's tough, but I know that through our Lord, Jesus Christ, all things are possible. Woo!

I love you all! Stay classy, and eat your greens! (That includes lettuce, kale, and lime Skittles! 

Paz!
-Elder Jones

The Week of Three (aka, Lots of Rice and Beans. Yum yum yum!)

Konichiwa, all of you Americanos! Tis I, the Lord of Insanity and Flattery! (As in, I flatten things. True story.)

Como estan ustedes?

The Land of la Republica Dominica is fantastic! In fact, just the other day (and by that, I mean a week ago), we left the shroud of the Missionary Training Center for a season to invite others to hear the glorious words of Christ. As our squadron of Momos skipped through the gates roundabout our Center of Training, we belted loose in magnanimous cries of that song "For the First Time in Forever" from the Frozen Soundtrack (focused especially on the part regarding opening up the gate). As we cavorted across the road (narrowly avoiding death [not really, but the drivers here really are worse than Utah drivers]), we breathed deeply and laced our lungs with fantabulastical Dominican air.

Bits and tidbits to share...hmm...I wait for this all week, but then draw a blank as soon as I start typing. Ah! So like I mentioned before, we ventured out into the real world, and popped over to la Universidad, taking in a few more sights of Santo Domingo. And lo, as we arrived, like an eggshell upon pavement our formation of Elders and Hermanas split in every which way, speeding off in packs of two (and on rare instances, three). We spoke in our floppy spanish with the students there, who were indeed insanely polite like had been foretold. Several were interested in our message of the Restored Gospel of Jesus Christ, and those who weren't were nice enough to politely listen.

Hahaha; there was, however, one chap, who Elder Harsh (my companion) and I bore strong testimony to that God lives, and that through his son Jesus Christ, all can be clean from their sins and iniquities. He responded that he didn't believe in Jesus Christ or God...and then there was about a sentence or two that I didn't understand...and something about the supernatural.

Oh, and then a missionary from an Evangelical Church chatted with us for a moment or two. After a bit of trying to discern what he was saying (he spoke insanely rapidly, and with a gigantic slur to boot), we realized he was asking for money. After explaining to him that we were likewise without money, he smiled and walked away. Fun fun!

In other news, the cauldron of my heart has been boiling white-hot for quite at the concept that my shoulder bag lacks the sufficient capability to carry a bottle of water. (Which is extremely important here; dehydration is as easy to come by as dirt in the ground. En serio.) However, when an MK (sorry, Elder Jones) sees a problem, he runs around in a storm wearing a metal suit until a bolt of lightning strikes his gorgeously handsome frame and delivers an idea from above! (And then he waits in the hospital for a couple of weeks until his charred skeleton is repaired enough to execute the aforementioned idea.)

Needless to say, but it shall be said anyway, I summoned my inner McGuiverr! Or McGiaverr! Or MKgiiver! (However that's spelled!)

Like a highly trained assassin, I backflipped off my bed, then cartwheeled to my suitcase. With only a single tear shed, I procured my crappiest pair of socks (clean, mind you), and slit the foot garment in twain. I then snatched up the lower half, and, sacrificing the next five hours for the sake of awesomeness, stitched in onto my bag, bonding the two fabrics to become one whole. INSTA-BOTTLE HOLDER!! 

Also, I discovered my love for sewing. Weirdly brilliant.

Random things...Elder Smith smeared shaving cream on his face, pulled on a red shirt, then subsequently stuffed a pillow under the aforementioned shirt, and then sub-subsequently grabbed his bag of dirty laundry and slung it over his shoulder. I similarly strapped a red-light headlamp to my face, then hung socks from my ears. Together, we were the most terrifying/ghetto Santa and Rudolf EVAR!!! ...And we stopped by another Elder's room at 11PM so as to help him celebrate his birthday. Nothing says birthday better than hillbilly Christmas!

Also, in this line of thinking, I ran down a hallway making chicken noises. ...There's no way to make that sound sane. :D

My ankle has mostly healed, so I've returned to dominating Ultimate Frisbee/Volleyball. Actually, fun story: one of the teachers here is a mega-nerd (Avatar, Naruto, Pokemon; the works), and he "claims" to have access to eight "gates" of power within his body (like chacras). Opening one grants him an insane burst of power, and the more he opens, the more powerful he becomes (but after he used the eighth gate, he dies). For now, the highest he can get is to the fourth gate, as his body isn't strong enough to go any higher. For now. Anyway, Frisbee got intense (try saying that without smiling) and he did something I'd never seen before: HE OPENED THE FOURTH GATE. Normally, he just goes one or two, but four...never before. So intense...and we still lost. :D

*Taps to the rhythm of a Time Lord's heartbeat* That's all I have for now! I grow more powerful every day in Spanish, and soon I shall be able to pass as a native Dominican! Because that's the only thing keeping me from passing as such! ;D

So long, farewell, aviresen adieu! *Double fist pump*

Adios!