¿Cómo estáis mis amigos? (¡¡CHANELING ESPAÑA!!)
Entonces! Here´s a weird thought for all of thou to chew on! I´m already 1/10 of the way through my mission. How flipping wack is that?!
And now for your weekly dosage of the Dominicanized Gringo.
Man, have I got a story for you! It´s a very well seasoned story, with the perfect blend of herbs, spices, and perfectly balanced INSANITY.
*Shudders*
Alright, so this story beings with the Elder Thibault and I out contacting, trying to find those who hold interest in our message of the Restored Gospel of Jesus Christ. As we were contacting this one house (in which the older lady inside seemed torn between hiding and coming to talk to us), another lady came out from around the house with her kids, and started talking to us. We asked if we could come back another day and share our message with her, to which she responded yes. ...I'm not sure how it got brought up, but somehow we got talking about how old we are (I already look older than I am, so to a Dominican, I look flipping ANCIENT). When we stated that we were 18 and 19, we heard a delighted shriek (warning sign) from inside. This 18-year old girl comes running out, and reconfirms with us that we're the age that we said we were, then immediatly asks us if we have girlfriends. Before we can answer, however, another girl, the same age, runs out, and asks the exact same question. Elder Thibault responds yes, and (though I honestly wish I could say differently) out of respect for the truth, I'd to respond "no". The two of them kept pestering us about such, until Elder Thibault posed, "Why do you ask?"
"Oh, no reason."
Yeah right.
Anyway, so we took our leave, and returned another day, for our appointment.
As we walked through the door, we both felt immediately that something was off. We weren't sure of how we missed it in our first encounter, but you know how some people simply have crazy written all over their face? Yeah, this lady was drenched in that. She literally had THE Crazy Laugh. So we decided to get out of there ASAP. However, as we went to close, one of the flirty girls from the day before entered, and though I'm not sure why, but we felt safer with her there. So we got through the lesson, all the while this crazy lady keeps randomly talking about these boyfriends she's had. After we finish with a prayer (I'm not sure why, but then we told them the story of the Fruit Stand from 2-3 weeks ago), and we go to shake hands goodbye. As I shake this lady's hand, she clasps on with extreme firmness, and holds such for an extremly long time. Elder Thibault and I laughed, as such was a reference to the story that we just told, but then she kept holding. And kept holding. I'd try to pull away, and she kept holding. Eventually, it got weird, and I sharply pulled my hand out of her grasp. She laughed (*Shudder* crazy laugh) and said that it was just a joke, but there was something in her eyes that I didn't like. We rapidly moved to leave, and as soon as Elder Thibault's back was turned, she slipped a piece of paper into my shirt pocket. Petrified with horror, I could do nothing but hastily power-walk to the door.
As we walked down the front walk, I whispered to Elder Thibault, "Okay, wait until we get far enough away from the house. Wait for it, wait for it..."
He waited for it...
I then turned to him and firmly decreed, "Elder, we are NEVER going back there AGAIN."
"Yeah I know, she was really weird."
"NO. That's not what I mean."
"...What do you mean?"
"As soon as your back was turned, SHE FREAKING SLIPPED A SLIP OF PAPER IN MY POCKET."
"...What?!"
Shuddering with revulsion, I extracted the demon slip to find, scribbed in perfect crazy, name, number, and "Call Me!"
...WHAT THE BACON BITS IS WRONG WITH YOU, FRECCA?! (The Dominican word for an extremly flirty person.) YOU ARE LIKE FOURTY FREAKING YEARS OLD, AND YOU'RE MARRIED!! (Then I remembered she'd said her youngest child had been with someone other than her husband [and that her husband has been in Spain for a really long time] BUT STILL!!)
...Needless to say, I cast the crap out of that satan scroll. It's feeding termites nightmares somewhere among a Dominican pile of rubbish.
*Shudder*
To my friends, I say one thing. THANK YOU FOR BEING THE SANE PEOPLE YOU ARE, AND FOR LIKEWISE HAVING SUCH HIGH MORAL STANDARDS.
Man, even the memory makes me feel like I'm going to throw up...*Shudder*
Oh! I tried contacting by myself on a Guagua, set the appointment and eveything...but later realized that I'd forgotten to ask for an address or nmber to contact him by. So...yeah. I'M A GREENIE LANTERN!! WOOSH!
And that's all I've got story-wise. Next week's MKzing email is going to cost you though: I'm expecting ALL OF YOU to send me a clever joke. YOU'VE A WEEK TO COMPLETE SUCH AN ASSIGNMENT.
Paz y amor!
-The Elder Jones
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