¿Cómo estáis mis amigos? (¡¡CHANELING ESPAÑA!!)
Entonces! Here´s a weird thought for all of thou to chew on! I´m already 1/10 of the way through my mission. How flipping wack is that?!
And now for your weekly dosage of the Dominicanized Gringo.
Man, have I got a story for you! It´s a very well seasoned story, with the perfect blend of herbs, spices, and perfectly balanced INSANITY.
*Shudders*
Alright, so this story beings with the Elder Thibault and I out contacting, trying to find those who hold interest in our message of the Restored Gospel of Jesus Christ. As we were contacting this one house (in which the older lady inside seemed torn between hiding and coming to talk to us), another lady came out from around the house with her kids, and started talking to us. We asked if we could come back another day and share our message with her, to which she responded yes. ...I'm not sure how it got brought up, but somehow we got talking about how old we are (I already look older than I am, so to a Dominican, I look flipping ANCIENT). When we stated that we were 18 and 19, we heard a delighted shriek (warning sign) from inside. This 18-year old girl comes running out, and reconfirms with us that we're the age that we said we were, then immediatly asks us if we have girlfriends. Before we can answer, however, another girl, the same age, runs out, and asks the exact same question. Elder Thibault responds yes, and (though I honestly wish I could say differently) out of respect for the truth, I'd to respond "no". The two of them kept pestering us about such, until Elder Thibault posed, "Why do you ask?"
"Oh, no reason."
Yeah right.
Anyway, so we took our leave, and returned another day, for our appointment.
As we walked through the door, we both felt immediately that something was off. We weren't sure of how we missed it in our first encounter, but you know how some people simply have crazy written all over their face? Yeah, this lady was drenched in that. She literally had THE Crazy Laugh. So we decided to get out of there ASAP. However, as we went to close, one of the flirty girls from the day before entered, and though I'm not sure why, but we felt safer with her there. So we got through the lesson, all the while this crazy lady keeps randomly talking about these boyfriends she's had. After we finish with a prayer (I'm not sure why, but then we told them the story of the Fruit Stand from 2-3 weeks ago), and we go to shake hands goodbye. As I shake this lady's hand, she clasps on with extreme firmness, and holds such for an extremly long time. Elder Thibault and I laughed, as such was a reference to the story that we just told, but then she kept holding. And kept holding. I'd try to pull away, and she kept holding. Eventually, it got weird, and I sharply pulled my hand out of her grasp. She laughed (*Shudder* crazy laugh) and said that it was just a joke, but there was something in her eyes that I didn't like. We rapidly moved to leave, and as soon as Elder Thibault's back was turned, she slipped a piece of paper into my shirt pocket. Petrified with horror, I could do nothing but hastily power-walk to the door.
As we walked down the front walk, I whispered to Elder Thibault, "Okay, wait until we get far enough away from the house. Wait for it, wait for it..."
He waited for it...
I then turned to him and firmly decreed, "Elder, we are NEVER going back there AGAIN."
"Yeah I know, she was really weird."
"NO. That's not what I mean."
"...What do you mean?"
"As soon as your back was turned, SHE FREAKING SLIPPED A SLIP OF PAPER IN MY POCKET."
"...What?!"
Shuddering with revulsion, I extracted the demon slip to find, scribbed in perfect crazy, name, number, and "Call Me!"
...WHAT THE BACON BITS IS WRONG WITH YOU, FRECCA?! (The Dominican word for an extremly flirty person.) YOU ARE LIKE FOURTY FREAKING YEARS OLD, AND YOU'RE MARRIED!! (Then I remembered she'd said her youngest child had been with someone other than her husband [and that her husband has been in Spain for a really long time] BUT STILL!!)
...Needless to say, I cast the crap out of that satan scroll. It's feeding termites nightmares somewhere among a Dominican pile of rubbish.
*Shudder*
To my friends, I say one thing. THANK YOU FOR BEING THE SANE PEOPLE YOU ARE, AND FOR LIKEWISE HAVING SUCH HIGH MORAL STANDARDS.
Man, even the memory makes me feel like I'm going to throw up...*Shudder*
Oh! I tried contacting by myself on a Guagua, set the appointment and eveything...but later realized that I'd forgotten to ask for an address or nmber to contact him by. So...yeah. I'M A GREENIE LANTERN!! WOOSH!
And that's all I've got story-wise. Next week's MKzing email is going to cost you though: I'm expecting ALL OF YOU to send me a clever joke. YOU'VE A WEEK TO COMPLETE SUCH AN ASSIGNMENT.
Paz y amor!
-The Elder Jones
Monday, October 27, 2014
Monday, October 20, 2014
Picture time!
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| Receiving a package from mom and dad :) Made it there untouched. |
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| MK and comp - Elder Thibault from Eagle, Idaho |
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| MK titles this one - "The Younglings" |
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| The Missionaries of Villa Altagracia - Elder MK, Elder Thibault, Elder Oscal, and Elder Perez |
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| The MTC [namely Cindy Lou Who, Santa, and Rudolph] |
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| Thibault, Perez, and Creepy MK |
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| Living quarters |
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| Baptism of Cinthia. "The missionaries have been teaching her for a time, and the baptism was scheduled for when I came in. I'm such an awesome missionary, people get baptized without my having to teach them! ;D" - MK |
9! Like The Movie! BUT BETTER! (Only by a little.)
"Bouncing in at number 9, here he comes, it's ELDER JONES!!!!"
*Crowd applauding and screaming like mad*
...What, overkill? Okay okay, I realize that introduction was kind of lame, but it's already been typed! There's no way to take it back now...(and feel free to point out the "Backspace" key; I'll take it into consideration a week from now. ;P )
*Grampy Voice* Entonces! Let's crack down on that which it yet to be told, shall we?
Well well well! We're ever popular here with the ladies (it's kind of scary)! As Elder Tibault and I were skipping merrily (slight exaggeration) to our next appointment, a large group of girls (about 17-ish I think) shouted after us, asking us in English where we were from (that's like one of the three things people here know how to say in English. The other two are "Hi, how are you my friend?", and...well, something rather impolite). We answered, and they immedietly asked if they could take a picture (note the singular) with us. Elder Thibault seemed stunned (not sure why), and before he could form a reply, my mouth had automatically formed the word "Claro" ("sure"). Suddenly, we were being swarmed by these girls who wanted to snap a stillshot with the two pasty foreigners (what's wrong with chu? Ain't you never seen a white guy before? [one of my favorite things to say to Elder Thibault whenever people gwak at us]). As they piled up around us, my missionary instincts kicked in, and I moved quickly to make sure that my companion and I were not seperated amidst this Feminine Flood. What I didn't process, however, was that in my Elderly fear, I'd grabbed on to the arm of Elder Thibault to prevent our seperation. As soon as the psynapses in my bain finally...well..."snapped" together, I slipped my arm away (we don't need to be giving people any more reasons to think we're weird ;P ).
Somehow, neither the girls nor Elder Thibault took any notice. :D
Anyway! So then they started doing individual pics with us, which was when Elder Thibault rgained his ability to speak and told them that this was the final pic. So the girl walks up, and the rest are telling us that it's her birthday. Awkwardly, Elder Thibault responds, "...Congratulations?"
We were then told to hug her, to which we rapidly replied that we could not. Then we booked it! Woo!
This last Saturday, we had the privilege of being able to go to the Temple, so as to accompany our Ward Mission Leader (Jason) and his wife (yes, actually married for realsies) for their family's Sealing (including their two little daughters). Awesome opportunity! And, as a heap of whipped cream atop this pumpkin pie, I was able to see some people from the Missionary Training Center, both teachers (Hola, Hermano Nuñez!) and other missionaries (Paz, Hermana Twiner!). And the best part is, we got to go just before the next group left! *Shuffles in place to The PianoGuys*
Haircuts! I shet my first blades of hair here upon Dominican soil. It is indeed glorious...but I rather miss my old strands. *Hair whip, realizes such isn't possible, weeps* It's better than Elder Thibault's, though. He was trying to cut his own hair (and he would have mostly succeeded), but when he asked another Elder for some help with such, a slight mistake was made, and too much was shaved off on the back. ...That, and it kind of looked like he was pulling off a serious Foehawk, due to the length of the hair atop his head. He later had to get some assistance from a Barber in putting it right. :D
I received my first package! GLORIOUS! Like mana from Heaven...except in several different flavors! The box itself came with several pictures of Jesus on it, as doing such almosy garentees that it will NOT get stolen. Does such actually work? Beats me, but it did for mine! :D
And last note, I'm struggling with one tiny little thing. It's not really a big deal, but...MY SISTER IS NOW TWELVE!!! WHAT HAPPENED?! THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG HERE! :D It's wacky how fast the time goes! I've not really processed that I've been gone more than two months!
The Lord continues to bless us! Things are spectacular here! Yeah, we have our days where we come home after a day fraught with rejection, and our feet feel as though they're about to fall off, but it is in these moments of trial that we come to truly appreciate all that our Savior did for us, all that he went through for us to be free. It's in these moments that we indeed feel closest with our Redeemer.
Paz y Amor to all y'alls! Allonz-Y!
-Elder Jones
*Crowd applauding and screaming like mad*
...What, overkill? Okay okay, I realize that introduction was kind of lame, but it's already been typed! There's no way to take it back now...(and feel free to point out the "Backspace" key; I'll take it into consideration a week from now. ;P )
*Grampy Voice* Entonces! Let's crack down on that which it yet to be told, shall we?
Well well well! We're ever popular here with the ladies (it's kind of scary)! As Elder Tibault and I were skipping merrily (slight exaggeration) to our next appointment, a large group of girls (about 17-ish I think) shouted after us, asking us in English where we were from (that's like one of the three things people here know how to say in English. The other two are "Hi, how are you my friend?", and...well, something rather impolite). We answered, and they immedietly asked if they could take a picture (note the singular) with us. Elder Thibault seemed stunned (not sure why), and before he could form a reply, my mouth had automatically formed the word "Claro" ("sure"). Suddenly, we were being swarmed by these girls who wanted to snap a stillshot with the two pasty foreigners (what's wrong with chu? Ain't you never seen a white guy before? [one of my favorite things to say to Elder Thibault whenever people gwak at us]). As they piled up around us, my missionary instincts kicked in, and I moved quickly to make sure that my companion and I were not seperated amidst this Feminine Flood. What I didn't process, however, was that in my Elderly fear, I'd grabbed on to the arm of Elder Thibault to prevent our seperation. As soon as the psynapses in my bain finally...well..."snapped" together, I slipped my arm away (we don't need to be giving people any more reasons to think we're weird ;P ).
Somehow, neither the girls nor Elder Thibault took any notice. :D
Anyway! So then they started doing individual pics with us, which was when Elder Thibault rgained his ability to speak and told them that this was the final pic. So the girl walks up, and the rest are telling us that it's her birthday. Awkwardly, Elder Thibault responds, "...Congratulations?"
We were then told to hug her, to which we rapidly replied that we could not. Then we booked it! Woo!
This last Saturday, we had the privilege of being able to go to the Temple, so as to accompany our Ward Mission Leader (Jason) and his wife (yes, actually married for realsies) for their family's Sealing (including their two little daughters). Awesome opportunity! And, as a heap of whipped cream atop this pumpkin pie, I was able to see some people from the Missionary Training Center, both teachers (Hola, Hermano Nuñez!) and other missionaries (Paz, Hermana Twiner!). And the best part is, we got to go just before the next group left! *Shuffles in place to The PianoGuys*
Haircuts! I shet my first blades of hair here upon Dominican soil. It is indeed glorious...but I rather miss my old strands. *Hair whip, realizes such isn't possible, weeps* It's better than Elder Thibault's, though. He was trying to cut his own hair (and he would have mostly succeeded), but when he asked another Elder for some help with such, a slight mistake was made, and too much was shaved off on the back. ...That, and it kind of looked like he was pulling off a serious Foehawk, due to the length of the hair atop his head. He later had to get some assistance from a Barber in putting it right. :D
I received my first package! GLORIOUS! Like mana from Heaven...except in several different flavors! The box itself came with several pictures of Jesus on it, as doing such almosy garentees that it will NOT get stolen. Does such actually work? Beats me, but it did for mine! :D
And last note, I'm struggling with one tiny little thing. It's not really a big deal, but...MY SISTER IS NOW TWELVE!!! WHAT HAPPENED?! THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG HERE! :D It's wacky how fast the time goes! I've not really processed that I've been gone more than two months!
The Lord continues to bless us! Things are spectacular here! Yeah, we have our days where we come home after a day fraught with rejection, and our feet feel as though they're about to fall off, but it is in these moments of trial that we come to truly appreciate all that our Savior did for us, all that he went through for us to be free. It's in these moments that we indeed feel closest with our Redeemer.
Paz y Amor to all y'alls! Allonz-Y!
-Elder Jones
Wednesday, October 15, 2014
8 is as Great as a Plate of Chocolate Cake!
*Trips into frame, dripping with sweat, panting*
Sorry I'm late! Things kind of got crazy this week, and in the crossfire, my email time got snipped. However, thanks to a generous Mission President, I've been granted time to speak now! Huzzah!
I will be totally honest when I say that this has been perhaps the strangest week of my mission thus far (as well as the most difficult). But all things have their purpose, and I am filled with the faith that these things shall indeed "be for my good".
Well! We've done a bucketload of walking, insomuch that my legs are indeed quite sore (I plan to be a calf model when I return home). In one of these daily jaunts, we passed by a stand heavy laden with fruit. Next to such were seated two girls, both of which I'd estimate to be about 13 or so (it's impossible to tell how old Dominicans are; I'm convinced that the Fountain of Youth really is on this island after all). Curse my gorgeous face, for as we passed, one of the girls grabbed onto my wrist, with a firmness of grasp that surpassed that of most mortals. Now, keep in mind that I'm still a bit of a Greenbean, and more often than not have no idea what people are saying to me. She said something, and honestly, in my noviceness to the missionary work, I honestly thought she wanted to know more about the Restored Gospel of Jesus Christ (I'M SUCH A GREENIE!). In all of this gringo confusion, Elder Thibault continued walking, as the event had yet to catch his notice. I'll admit, panic rose like bile to the surface, and with a bit of a shaky voice, I shouted, "ELDER! ELDER! ELDER THIBAULT!!"
He turned, and with a bit of a knowing smile, came to my rescue. They had a bit of a conversation (which I didn't understand any of in the moment [I later asked Elder Thibault what went down]) which went more or less as follows:
(Him) "Alright, let him go."
(Her) "No! I'm in love with him!"
"Great, but just because you're in love with him doesn't mean you have to keep ahold of him!"
"No! I'm going to steal him from you!"
"No, you CANNOT steal my companion!"
"I'm in love with him!"
"Let him go!"
And she eventually did.
Also, that same day, when we were contacting, a random guy ran by, screaming "BLEEEEEAAAAAAAUUUUUUGGHHHHHHH!!!"
Speaking of crazy drunk people, while we were out walking another day, we walked past a bar, which was pumping rather loud (Dominican loud, mind you, which is about five times louder than American loud) music. Immediately, this guy with totally bloodshot eyes stands up, walks over, and says something. He repeated his words several times, but due to the volume of the music (and the fact that he was basically whispering), it was impossible to discern what he was trying to say. He then went to shake our hands, but instead of a normal "palm-to-palm up-and-down release-hands" type of deal, as soon as our hands make contact, he rolls his hand away, does a bunch of weird finger wiggles, then waves three fingers in our faces (and for me, he added a delightful stomach poke). As we went to leave, he tried to pull us into a big hug. ...It twas at this point that Elder Thibault put the hammer down and forced the guy off of us. So, he goes to shake our hands farewell...and...more finger-wiggle three-finger-shake-shake-in-our-faces. Wack.
Then another day, we were walking to one of our appointments, when we saw a guy sitting on the ground, leaning up against a fence with his eyes closed, twitching. Before we even have time to process what we're seeing, this old lady with an umbrella just as plain as day walks calmly across the road, raises a hand over him, and starts trying to "cast the devil out of him". ...After about five minutes, we suddenly realized: WHO DOES THAT?! (We saw him about 45 minutes later by the way, and he was just then getting up from where he sat. He later proceeded to hobble away with a bit of oddity in his step. ...Something tells me there was less of a devil and more of a disability flowing here. Just a thought. :D )
And RAIN! So much rain...the streets became rivers, and the staircases became waterfalls. SO BEAUTIFUL!!! As we were helping some people move pipe that had fallen into the road and was messing up traffic, I stepped on a patch of what I thought was normal ground and collapsed in the street. Yeah, the gutters were so full to overflowing, that they were indistinguishable from the rest of the road! :D
And finally, I was hit with a bit of a sickness. It's nothing bad, but makes work a tad more challenging! Haha! Brilliant! I was tired of it being easy! ;D
The Spirit has helped me grow so much this week. And, I've got great stories to tell! Woo!
Joke of The Week: Why couldn't the bicycle stand up on its own? It was too tired. ...WOO! Lame jokes!
Paz, Amor, Unidad, y Tranquilidad!
-Elder Jones
I will be totally honest when I say that this has been perhaps the strangest week of my mission thus far (as well as the most difficult). But all things have their purpose, and I am filled with the faith that these things shall indeed "be for my good".
Well! We've done a bucketload of walking, insomuch that my legs are indeed quite sore (I plan to be a calf model when I return home). In one of these daily jaunts, we passed by a stand heavy laden with fruit. Next to such were seated two girls, both of which I'd estimate to be about 13 or so (it's impossible to tell how old Dominicans are; I'm convinced that the Fountain of Youth really is on this island after all). Curse my gorgeous face, for as we passed, one of the girls grabbed onto my wrist, with a firmness of grasp that surpassed that of most mortals. Now, keep in mind that I'm still a bit of a Greenbean, and more often than not have no idea what people are saying to me. She said something, and honestly, in my noviceness to the missionary work, I honestly thought she wanted to know more about the Restored Gospel of Jesus Christ (I'M SUCH A GREENIE!). In all of this gringo confusion, Elder Thibault continued walking, as the event had yet to catch his notice. I'll admit, panic rose like bile to the surface, and with a bit of a shaky voice, I shouted, "ELDER! ELDER! ELDER THIBAULT!!"
He turned, and with a bit of a knowing smile, came to my rescue. They had a bit of a conversation (which I didn't understand any of in the moment [I later asked Elder Thibault what went down]) which went more or less as follows:
(Him) "Alright, let him go."
(Her) "No! I'm in love with him!"
"Great, but just because you're in love with him doesn't mean you have to keep ahold of him!"
"No! I'm going to steal him from you!"
"No, you CANNOT steal my companion!"
"I'm in love with him!"
"Let him go!"
And she eventually did.
Also, that same day, when we were contacting, a random guy ran by, screaming "BLEEEEEAAAAAAAUUUUUUGGHHHHHHH!!!"
Speaking of crazy drunk people, while we were out walking another day, we walked past a bar, which was pumping rather loud (Dominican loud, mind you, which is about five times louder than American loud) music. Immediately, this guy with totally bloodshot eyes stands up, walks over, and says something. He repeated his words several times, but due to the volume of the music (and the fact that he was basically whispering), it was impossible to discern what he was trying to say. He then went to shake our hands, but instead of a normal "palm-to-palm up-and-down release-hands" type of deal, as soon as our hands make contact, he rolls his hand away, does a bunch of weird finger wiggles, then waves three fingers in our faces (and for me, he added a delightful stomach poke). As we went to leave, he tried to pull us into a big hug. ...It twas at this point that Elder Thibault put the hammer down and forced the guy off of us. So, he goes to shake our hands farewell...and...more finger-wiggle three-finger-shake-shake-in-our-faces. Wack.
Then another day, we were walking to one of our appointments, when we saw a guy sitting on the ground, leaning up against a fence with his eyes closed, twitching. Before we even have time to process what we're seeing, this old lady with an umbrella just as plain as day walks calmly across the road, raises a hand over him, and starts trying to "cast the devil out of him". ...After about five minutes, we suddenly realized: WHO DOES THAT?! (We saw him about 45 minutes later by the way, and he was just then getting up from where he sat. He later proceeded to hobble away with a bit of oddity in his step. ...Something tells me there was less of a devil and more of a disability flowing here. Just a thought. :D )
And RAIN! So much rain...the streets became rivers, and the staircases became waterfalls. SO BEAUTIFUL!!! As we were helping some people move pipe that had fallen into the road and was messing up traffic, I stepped on a patch of what I thought was normal ground and collapsed in the street. Yeah, the gutters were so full to overflowing, that they were indistinguishable from the rest of the road! :D
And finally, I was hit with a bit of a sickness. It's nothing bad, but makes work a tad more challenging! Haha! Brilliant! I was tired of it being easy! ;D
The Spirit has helped me grow so much this week. And, I've got great stories to tell! Woo!
Joke of The Week: Why couldn't the bicycle stand up on its own? It was too tired. ...WOO! Lame jokes!
Paz, Amor, Unidad, y Tranquilidad!
-Elder Jones
Monday, October 13, 2014
8 1/2 weeks!! Wow!
Monday, October 6, 2014
The Most Magical Number of All! (7, For Those of You Not Paying Attention)
Jiggly-Jumbo-Jello, it's time to say HELLO!
The weeks have indeed begun to increase in their speed. A wise man once said: "The MTC is the longest part of the mission, the first six weeks in the field are the hardest part, but after that, it all just sort of blurs by." (That may or may not have been me just catolouging what others have said. Heh heh.)
One of our main focuses these past few days has been that of service. In serveral of our meetings, we've offered to help them with literally anything (within ethical reason), but so far...nothing. WE SHALL PRESS ON, however! Huzzah!
While out and about, we encountered a woman who actually spoke English! And, even cooler, she wanted us to TEACH her IN ENGLISH! The lesson was indeed an immensly powerful, and the Spirit was definetly present. Elder Thibault ironically struggled a bit, as he's taught so much in Spanish, he's not at all accustomed to doing so in English! :D
In other news, another investigator of ours, by the name of Victoria, came to General Conference for one of the sessions! I had to do everthing in my power not to scream for joy. (If any of you have seen "The Best Two Years", I'm essentially Elder Calhoun.)
I want to personally testify that it is through our challenges that The Lord shapes us into someone immensely more amazing and powerful. I've seen this in 7 1/2 weeks in the field; IMAGINE what 2 years will do!
I'm squeezed for time (the computer I'm using is really really slow), and I can't seem to find any other stories off the top of my head, so I suppose I'll bid a fond farewell for now!
Peace out, mis amigos! (Including my MTC friends who are seeing this! I'll try to have a joke of the week sent out for you next week!)
Van con Dios!
-Elder Jones
The weeks have indeed begun to increase in their speed. A wise man once said: "The MTC is the longest part of the mission, the first six weeks in the field are the hardest part, but after that, it all just sort of blurs by." (That may or may not have been me just catolouging what others have said. Heh heh.)
One of our main focuses these past few days has been that of service. In serveral of our meetings, we've offered to help them with literally anything (within ethical reason), but so far...nothing. WE SHALL PRESS ON, however! Huzzah!
While out and about, we encountered a woman who actually spoke English! And, even cooler, she wanted us to TEACH her IN ENGLISH! The lesson was indeed an immensly powerful, and the Spirit was definetly present. Elder Thibault ironically struggled a bit, as he's taught so much in Spanish, he's not at all accustomed to doing so in English! :D
In other news, another investigator of ours, by the name of Victoria, came to General Conference for one of the sessions! I had to do everthing in my power not to scream for joy. (If any of you have seen "The Best Two Years", I'm essentially Elder Calhoun.)
I want to personally testify that it is through our challenges that The Lord shapes us into someone immensely more amazing and powerful. I've seen this in 7 1/2 weeks in the field; IMAGINE what 2 years will do!
I'm squeezed for time (the computer I'm using is really really slow), and I can't seem to find any other stories off the top of my head, so I suppose I'll bid a fond farewell for now!
Peace out, mis amigos! (Including my MTC friends who are seeing this! I'll try to have a joke of the week sent out for you next week!)
Van con Dios!
-Elder Jones
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